So an update on Winn: He got his first haircut because it was getting so shaggy around the ears that I kept tucking it behind them. Miles said it made him look like a girl, to which I disagreed but cut it anyway. He is certainly sooooo handsome! He has the army crawl down to a T and is just figuring out how to crawl on his hands and knees (until he figures he can get to a dangerous object faster by doing the army crawl.) He still only has two teeth, but still drools like a fat kid looking at a twinkie! He will probably grow up to be a huge flirt (just like his dad) because he will smile, giggle, and jibber jabber at every women that looks at him at the store. He is an extremely happy and social baby! However, his claim to fame is his growl! He is constantly growling and then laughing at himself. It makes for some good humor during church, or at the store, or IN HIS SLEEP, or when he is playing with his friends... I'll try to get a video of it. He won't eat fruit, only squash and green beans. His favorite toys are plugs, plastic sacks, and sucking on shoes (of course I don't let him.) And his daddy is still his best friend. I sure love having this bundle of joy in my life and couldn't imagine our lives any happier!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Homecooked healthy meals
Takes care of herself
Faithful with prayers and scripture study
Supports her husband
Has a schedule
Crafty and creative
Drives a Honda CRV
Plays the piano
Serves all around her
Puts her family first
Practices new hobbies
Wears an apron...yada yada yada
"If only" right? Well today I am grateful for my mom, who in my eyes IS super-mom. She came down to visit here last week and it was HEAVEN!!! While she was here we had a lot of time to talk and go on walks which is basically my favorite thing to do on Summer evenings. We made some super delicious new meals...LIKE...Toasted Ravioli with homemade marinara sauce, BOMB meatloaf (I don't really like meatloaf...but this was amazing), and homemade pop-tarts. It was a very scrumptious week! My mom is also the best grandma to all of her grandchildren. She watched Winn while I went and got some studying done which was SOOOO helpful! I'm a good student when my mom's around, and definitely not a good student when she's gone. My mom LOVES learning, she loves the outdoor, she loves trying new things and staying busy. She is NOT lazy, she is NOT unhappy, and worst of all...she does NOT live close by me. She was suppose to be living exactly 15 minuets away but because of her amazing-ness she is living with my sister in Washington who just lost her husband, and his helping her with her life and kids. Those kids love her and I think she is so wonderful for them in every way. She has dealt with so much the past couple of months and her life has taken a complete 180* turn and has kept a smile on her face and immovable faith in her life. Having said all of that, having her in my life makes this little guy means so much more to me. I never knew I could be so in love! I want him to have what I have, security, love, growth, kindness, confidence, truth...etc, etc, etc... I want to be a good MOM, and this week I feel like I missed the mark. Now I know every mom is not perfect, and it's easy to look at others and say, "I wish I was like that," or "I'm not as good as her." But what are the qualities you feel are most important or at least very important when it comes to being a mom? What makes you a good mom? What's on your list of "super-mom" traits? Really...I want to know!
Friday, August 26, 2011
So I'm going to start us out with the cliche! I could not be more grateful for my family! My husband is so amazing! I don't know where I'd be without him. My baby Winn is perfect! He has been the joy of our lives! Also, my siblings and parents are some of the most influential people in my life. I'm so happy that I get to be with them for eternity. And last but not least, my in-laws rock! They are such a wonderful added blessing in our lives and I'm thrilled to call them my family.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Mark and Brooke were married when I was 11 years old. He has been in our family for more than half of my life and is considered a brother to me. When Mark was on his mission, I remember Brooke getting kind of serious with another guy. One night I started crying and told her that I didn't want her to marry him. When she asked why all I could say was, "because he's not Mark." Some of my fondest memories come from when Brooke and Mark would invite me to come stay at their house for a weekend. Mark would always go above and beyond to make it special. I grew up wanting to marry someone like him. I loved how he was so passionate about life and about my sister. They were always so fun to be around because they were best friends and being around them made you want to have what they had. They were always laughing and joking and singing and being silly and wrestling and tickling and talking. Their friendship was contagious. I LOVED how he treated my sister! I don't know if he was pretending or not but he was good at making me feel like he was genuinely interested in my life. He would always ask me about boys or my harp or the sports I was involved in. In fact, well before I was of legal age, he let me drive his car around as he taught me how to drive. I remember one time crying on the couch because my braces on my teeth were hurting so bad, he picked me up and shoved me in his car and we went and got shaved ice to try to help. There were many jamming sessions in the car, mainly to guns n roses but I do remember at times we would belt out to country songs, Les Mis, Wicked, and John Denver. I never dated a boy that Mark didn't approve of. One time I was in a relationship that I was really excited about. When Mark met him he instantly told me he didn't like him, not for any particular reason but just because he didn't give off a good vibe. Not 5 minutes later the relationship was over. When I got to college Mark was always setting me up on dates with guys he though I would like. When my high school boyfriend returned from his mission Mark paid for Brooke and I to stay in Seattle to see if it would work out, against my will. When I left boyfriend-less Mark, Brooke and I had a good time venting that night about how stupid boys are and weren't worth my time. Luckily, Mark approved of and loved Miles. Mark is a man of integrity and depth. I've had sooo many deep conversations with Mark that still impact my everyday decisions. One time I asked him if he ever felt like lying would be the right thing to do. He quickly and bluntly responded with a "no." I made up a couple of different scenarios like, "but what if, by you lying, you would save another persons life?" He continued to say that because of his profession (an attorney) he has prayed about this question a lot. He has come to conclusion that he would never give up his integrity to lie, and that somehow he would always find another way. That conversation meant a lot to me and he is the only one to have given me such a powerful answer. One of my favorite quotes from Mark, says a lot about him. We were driving somewhere when someone cut him off and with complete frustration in his voice he said, "Ugh, the more I study about charity, the stupider people get!"
On June 30, 2011 Mark unexpectedly passed away in his sleep from a brain aneurysm. When I first heard the news my first thought was, "no, no, no, not Mark. Of anyone I know he is the most needed person." He was serving as 1 counselor in the Bishopric, and helping so many through his profession, and not to mention his wife and 5 young kids. The hardest part through all of this has been thinking of my sister Brooke. I can't even pretend I know what she is going through, but I do know that I have been in love and I have started a life with my sweetheart. Losing him would be paralyzing. She, however, has been absolutely incredible during this whole devastation. While there are still times that she wants to just sleep and cry and not be bothered she has remained strong and immovable for her kids and others around her. She continually talks about Mark and their treasurable memories. Last night she even took over as the "family horse" so that all the kids could still have their horsey rides before bed. I know Mark is so proud of Brooke and her strength through all of this. My testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is being strengthened everyday. I believe that families can be together forever, through His plan. I know Brooke and their kids will see him again. I know he is on the other side of the veil watching over each of us. I will personally do what it takes to live my life righteously and to the fullest so that I too can have the promises of the Gospel.
This picture was taken about 3 weeks ago when we went to Brooke and Mark's house for the weekend. These are the new babies with their daddies. Eli is definitely a daddy's boy! Their beautiful family (minus Eli) at my wedding This picture makes me look like a baby, but this is Mark helping out on a memorable hike my family took in Zions one year.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
A very happy and healthy baby
Miles gets home at 3:00 everyday, so I still feel like we can do fun things every day together
The reason Seattle is so beautiful is because it rains so much, so I guess I'm grateful for the rain
I love living so close to downtown Seattle!
The lake across the street
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Now two years and a baby later I couldn't imagine my life being any better. Miles is literally my best friend. We have been through the best of times and the worst of times (which, even then haven't been all that bad). For our two year celebration we went out to eat at The Melting Pot! SOOOO yuumy! Fondue is very romantic! I was very grateful to my in-laws for watching Winn. At dinner we were talking about some of our highest of highs and lowest of lows. All of which I have been so grateful for. We have grown 10 million times closer because of everything we've gone through. I'm so happy with how my life has turned out. If you were to ask me 5 years ago what my ideal life would be 5 years from then, I don't think I could have conjured up a dream like this. Miles has provided a life for Winston and I that is perfect. He is a real man and marrying him was the absolute best thing I could have EVER done. I admire so many things about him. Like his dedication to his school work. He has been presented with two really amazing awards this past year as the top business student which has also lead him to receive a full-ride scholarship for next year. Miles is also the biggest support when it comes to helping me accomplish my goals. He is always saying how proud and impressed he is by me and asking how he can help me accomplish where I want to go, helping me know that he will do what needs to happen to make my dreams reality. I couldn't ask for a better partner. I am also so impressed by his work ethic. Whatever he does, he does the best of his ability. By him working so hard, he has made it possible for me to stay at home with our little baby. He let's me have my dream job of a stay at home mom. Also, nobody can make me laugh like Miles does. That was one of the first things that made me fall in love with him...his sense of humor. He is so witty and clever and sometimes my face aches when I'm around him because I'm laughing so much. Last but not least he is a man of God. I see his true desire to learn more about and become like the Savior. He honors his priesthood and by so doing he becomes the husband and father that the Lord sees in him. What an incredible two years this has been. Life is meant to be lived with this man, to eternity and beyond :)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
For a brief moment (for that was all I could handle) I put myself in her shoes. Now, I don't really know what she is going through, but what if I had cancer and I knew I was going to die. My heart absolutley breaks at the thought of not being able to raise my baby. I want to be here for him, with him. I'm not going to lie, my absolute biggest fear is losing my husband or baby to death. Life is meant to be lived in love with them. But the thought of me passing on is an almost unbearable thought. I'm so grateful for my family and for the new light they have brought into my life and from today on I'm going to treasure and secure that just a little more. Thank goodness for my crying baby!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
When Winn was first born I was expecting it to be challenging at first but if I did everything "right" then I would be just fine after a week or so. NOPE, WRONG-O! After the first week I was this close to really giving up! It hurt SO bad that I thought, "bring on the formula!" I was not only cracked and bleeding but I was scabbing! In the breastfeeding class we took when I was pregnant I was told to nurse for 30 min on one side every feeding. I just couldn't handle it anymore. It hurt so bad! I just remember, every time he latched on I would cringe and tell myself, "do NOT swear in front of the baby, do NOT swear in front of the baby," and I don't even have a potty mouth. So finally, after half of my skin was hanging off of me after a feeding I called the lactation specialist in total hysterical tears saying that I just couldn't nurse anymore. She graciously came over to my house to see how she could help. To my surprise she validated me in every way needed! She told Miles that he can't even imagine how much pain I was in and that if he understood he would be crying just as hard, if not harder. I didn't realize how liberating it was just to have someone there who understood. Anyway, then she gave me a shield to use while I healed. The pain went from a total 10.5 down to a 3. *Sigh of relief* Although Winston had a great latch and even though I used Lanolin like it was going out of style, the main problem was that he needed the under skin of his tongue clipped. He couldn't suck right because his tongue was too short. She said after getting that clipped (a simple procedure that took two seconds and he didn't notice a thing), things should start to shape up.
Wrong again. I just couldn't go back to nursing without the shield. I honestly was TOO traumatized. Every time I tried I would remember the feeling and I just couldn't do it. So, as a mother, what do I do...feel completely guilty. Why can't I just feed my own child? Millions of women do it every day, why was it SO hard for me? So I continued to use the shield but something still wasn't right. He would never stop eating, even after the 30 min he would cry if he couldn't eat more. So I would try to just keep feeding him, but he just kept crying after I unlatched him. As the guilt would settle in again I would wonder if it was something I was eating that made his stomach hurt. I couldn't seem to pin point it. So finally I decide to pump and see how much milk I was getting, even though I was told to not give them a bottle until they were at least 4 weeks old. Winn was 3 weeks. Turns out that after thirty min of pumping i was completely dry after ten min and I only got 1 oz out of each side...the boy was still hungry!
Needless to say, I am now pumping full time and here is why...First, I know how much he is getting and I know for sure that if he cries after, it's not because he is still hungry. This boy's best friend is his binki and could suck for days, so I never really knew when he was done eating. But, now that I know how much he eats, I know if he is still hungry or if he just wants to suck. Next, now Dad can have some more bonding time. Miles LOVES feeding Winn and it is helpful to me to have Miles help. The other day Miles went to his little brothers football game with Winn and he could just take a bottle with him and I had the whole morning to run a bunch of errands. Feeding him in public isn't embarrassing or awkward...I can just give him a bottle. Miles and I will take turns doing the night feedings which is super nice because then we alternate getting a good nights rest. The only thing that is hard is when I hear the importance of skin-to-skin contact. So every now and then I'll lay him on my chest and we will take a nap together, or I always make sure I'm holding his hand or touching his cheek while I feed him. It's also a pain to have to carry a pump everywhere. If we go to my in-laws for the evening I have to pack up the pump and step away in the bathroom to pump, which can be a little annoying.
Holy Cow! This is a super long post, but I just had to get it out there. I don't know what was harder, the physical pain of breastfeeding or being so blindsided by just how hard it actually was. So, by writing this, I hope it helps or provides hope for someone else who just might be struggling as much as I was. Every once in a while Winston will stop eating, look up at me, and give me the biggest smile his little face can bear and he seems to be saying, "thank you mom for all that do for me. I know its hard and I know that you try your best. I know that you only want what's best for me. Thank you for this yummy and healthy milk. I love you." It's amazing how one little smile wipes away the fear, doubts, insecurities and worries and I can keep going, enduring to the end with a heart overflowing in gratitude for this new heaven sent angel in my life.